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Joke of the week

Send your poultry joke to: info@worldpoultry.net

 

This week's joke ....

 

 

 

 

 

 
 

 

 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
A turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding, his mission was to produce the perfect turkey. His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone.
 
After many frustrating attempts, the farmer had Relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store. "Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has six legs!" They all asked the farmer how it tasted.
"I do not know," said the farmer, "I never could catch it!"
 
By: Paul
 
 
 
 
 
Q. What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son?
A. If your papa could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
 
 
Anon.
 
 
  
 
Sent in by Ian Bill
 
 
 
 
 
A duck walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "gimme a shot of whiskey and put it on my bill!"
 
Sent in by: S.A Soonyeh
 
 
 
 
Sent in by: Sven Vikiner
 

 

Sent in by: Gray Datone
 
 
 
 
Q. Why DID the chicken cross the road?
 
Colonel Sanders: Did I miss one?
 
Sent in by: Paul (USA)
 

 

Q: Why did the chicken lay an egg?

A: Because it was easier than a brick ..

Sent in by: Ernie Burgin

 

 

Q: Why did the egg cross the street?
A: To get to the shell station ..

Sent in by: Gary, PH

 

 

 

Sent in by: Anon

 

 

Q: Did you hear the one about the egg?

A: It's not all it's "cracked" up to be!

Sent in by Antoinick Ramchurgh 

 

 

Q: What do turkeys like to eat on Thanksgiving?

A: Nothing, they're already stuffed ..

Sent in by Bob, U.S.

 

 

 

 

 

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?
"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," replied the vet.
"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you have not done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The fat rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever ..

As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.

A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also sniffed the bird from head to foot Delicately. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$ 150!" she cried, "$ 150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The fat shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just my word for it functions, the bill would have been $ 20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $ 150.

Sent in by M. Y. Nalek 

 

 

Q: Why did the police case the turkey?

A: They suspected it of fowl play

Sent in by George, UK 

 

 

 

A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any Bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we have no bread."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we have not got any bread!"

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We have not got any bread, and if you ask me again and I'll nail your dang beak to the bar you irritating dang duck!"

Duck says: "Got any nails?"

Barman says: "No"

Duck says: "Got any bread?

 

 

 

 

 

A young child goes home from school and tells her mother that her science teacher says that women have eggs. So she asked her mother why she had not laid any.
 

Sent in by: Akhim, Kenya

 

 

Psychiatrist: What's your problem?

Patient: I think I'm a chicken.

Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?

Patient: Ever since I was an egg!

Sent in by: T. G. Friedan, UK

 

 

Q. What is a haunted chicken?

A. A poultry-geist.
 

Sent in by: Peters, NL

 

 

Q. What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, rolls in the dirt, crosses the road, and again rolls in the dirt?

A. A dirty double-crossing chicken!
 

Sent in by: Karen, USA

 

 

Q. What do you call a turkey with a foot injury?

A. A gobble with a Hobble.

Sent in by: Inspire Vanis

 

 

Q. Why could not the chicken find her eggs?
A. Because she mislaid them.


Sent in by: Jay Stokkermans

 

 

A man takes his brother to see a psychiatrist.
Psychiatrist: "What seems to be the problem?"
Man: "My brother thinks he is a chicken!"
Psychiatrist: "How long has this been going on?"
Man: 'about a year. "
Psychiatrist: "Why did you seek help sooner?"
Man: "Well, we needed the eggs!"
 

Sent in by: Anne Strikee

 

 

A duck waddles into a grocery store and asks the clerk, "Do you have any duck food?"
"No, we do not have duck food and we do not serve ducks. This is a grocery store. Get out of here."
The next morning the duck waddles into the same grocery store and again asks the same clerk, "Do you have any duck food?"
The clerk, speaking slowly and distinctly, says, "NO! I told you yesterday that we do not have duck food and we do not serve ducks. Get out of my store and do come back!"
The next morning, sure enough, the duck enters the same grocery store and once again asks the clerk, "Do you have any duck food?"
The clerk screams, "NO! WE DO NOT AND IF YOU COME IN HERE ASKING FOR FOOD DUCK ONE MORE TIME I'M GOING TO NAIL YOUR LITTLE webbed FEET TO THE FLOOR!"
The next morning the duck enters the grocery store and asks the clerk, "Do you have any nails?"
Amazed, the clerk says, "No, we're a grocery store, we do not carry nails."
"Good," says the duck. "Do you have any duck food?"
 

Sent in by: Samantha Arlton (California) \

 

 

A lady was looking at the frozen turkeys at the supermarket. However, she could not find one big enough to feed her entire family.

She asked the boy behind the counter: "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."


Sent in by: Olivia-Janet Nongelina

 

 

Q: What's the difference between a soldier and a fireman?
A: You can not dip a fireman in an egg

 

Sent in by: Ned Vacatie

 

 

A chicken walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a beer, please."

The bartender says "Hey! Where did you come from?"

The chicken says "I'm working at the construction site across the street."

And the bartender says, "Why are you working in construction?"

And the duck said, "Where else can a chicken laying brick work?"
 

Sent in by: Jay Trunk

 

 

A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, 'Buk Buk BUK. "The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them ... and the chickens leave shortly thereafter.

Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite Vexed and say, 'Buk Buk BuKKOOK! "The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives it to them. The chickens leave as before.

The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the librarian, looking very annoyed and say, 'Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook! "The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. She gives them what they request, and decides to follow them.

She followed them out of the library, out of the town, and to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pound, to which the frog was saying, "Rrredit Rrredit rredit ..."
 

Sent in by: C. Buxton (Melbourne)

 

 

There once was a parrot who knew a bunch of swear words. The owner said to the parrot: "If you do not stop swearing I'm going to put you in the freezer." The parrot started swearing again and the owner put him in the freezer, but after several seconds he suddenly stopped. The guy says "Will you stop swearing now?" and the parrot says "I'll stop, but first I want to know what the chicken did."



Sent in by: Eddy Trucker

 

 

A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a gala charity event was taking place. Getting caught up in the spirit, the pig suggested to the chicken that they each make a contribution.

"Great idea!" the chicken cried.

"Let's offer them ham and eggs?"

"Not so fast," said the pig testily. "For you, that's a contribution. For me, it's a total commitment."



Sent in by: Natasha Gutbyaust

 

 

A pigeon was pacing up and down anxiously in Central Park when he saw his friend hop up on the curb. "Where have you been, I've been waiting here for hours?" The friend looked around him and said, "It was such a nice day, I said to myself - what the heck, I'll walk!"

Sent in by: Rachel Bezuidenhout (Italy)

 

 

Q: Why did the rubber chicken cross the road?

A: She wanted to stretch her legs.
 

Sent in by: Ryan Bukinair

 

 

Q: What happens when you tell an egg a joke?
A:
It cracks up!
 

Sent in by: Bin Sun Punkt, India

 

 

Q. Why did Beethoven kill his chicken?


A.
It kept saying "Bach, Bach, Bach ..."
 

Sent in by: Nat Asgow

 

 

Q: Why do hens lay eggs?

A: If they dropped them, they'd break.

Sent in by: Austen Mesen (SA)

 
 
 
Three guys died in an accident and went to heaven. When they got there, St. Peter said, "We only have one rule in heaven. Do not step on the ducks!"

It was almost impossible not to step any ducks as they were everywhere.

But then one day the first guy accidentally stepped on one. Along came St. Peter with the ugliest woman he ever saw. St. Peter chained them together and said, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly woman".

The next day, the second guy stepped accidentally on a duck and along came St. Peter, who did not miss a thing, and with him was another extremely ugly woman. He chained them together with the same admonishment as the first.

The third guy saw all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly woman, was very careful where he stepped. He managed to go for months without stepping on any duck. But one day, St. Peter came up to him with the most gorgeous woman he had ever laid eyes on. St. Peter chained them together without saying a word.

The guy remarked, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all eternity"?

She replied, "I do not know about you, but I stepped on a duck"!
 

 

Q: Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?

A: He heard the referee calling fowls

Sent in by Tarry Harp

 

 

 

This postman is working in a new area. He comes to a garden gate marked BEWARE OF THE PARROT!
He looks down the garden and, sure enough, there's a parrot sitting on its perch. He has a little chuckle to himself.
He opens the gate and walks into the garden.
He gets as far as the parrot's perch, when suddenly, the parrot squawk "... REX ATTACK!"

Sent in by Bouwkje Lemmer Friesland

 

 

Q: What do you call a bird at the north pole?

A: Lost

Sent in by Q. Salwan, Oslo

 

 

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but could not find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

 

Sent in by N. McDonald

 

 

A man inherited a parrot. At first he thought this was a good thing. But the parrot would do nothing but swear. It's language offended hardened sailors.
On the first day the man played the parrot soothing music and put down its condition to the stress of moving. On the second day he tried witty put downs. On the third day he ignored it. Nothing worked, the parrot still let forth a torrent of blue words.
On the fourth day he snapped and after a particularly creative Involving insult his mother, a goat and the local vicar the man grabbed the parrot and thrust him into the freezer.
For a few minutes the parrot continued unabated. Then everything went quiet. The man, worried that he had killed the parrot, took a peek into the freezer. The parrot hopped out and was strangely silent and then said:
"I am most terribly sorry, old chap, if I offended you in any way with my earlier choice of language .... could I just ask ...... what did the chicken do?"
 

Sent in by Derrick Jones

 

 

Psychiatrist: What's your problem?

Patient: I think I'm a chicken.

Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?

Patient: Ever since I was an egg!
 

Sent in by Rufus Dwight

 

 

Q: Why do ducks fly south in the winter?
A: It's to far to walk!

Sent in by Holly Franica

 

 

Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: To prove he was not chicken!

Sent in by Samantha Chilten

 

 

A Lion, a Tiger and a Chicken were discussing who was the greatest of the 3 species.

The Tiger said "When I roar all the animals run and hide."

The Lion said "Whatever ... I roar when all the animals quake with fear."

Then the Chicken said "Please, that's nothing! When I cough the whole world panics!"

Sent in by Bruce Conroy

 

 

Q: Where do you find a chicken with no legs?

A: Where you left it.

Sent in by Val Newby
 
 

 

The Federal Aviation Authority has a device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. They point this thing at the windshield of the aircraft and shoot a dead chicken at about the speed the aircraft normally flies. If the windshield does not break, it's likely to survive a real collision with a bird during flight.

The British recently built a new locomotive that could pull a train faster than any before it. They were not sure that its windshield was strong enough so they borrowed the testing device from the FAA, reset it to approximate the maximum speed of the locomotive, loaded in the dead chicken, and fired. The bird went through the windshield, broke the engineer's chair, and made a major dent in the back wall of the engine cab.

They were quite surprised with this result, so they asked the FAA to check the test to see if everything was done correctly. The FAA checked everything and suggested that they might want to repeat the test using a thawed chicken.

Sent in by Robert C. Ball
 
 

 

A duck walks into a bar. The bartender is also a duck. A man says to his friend in the corner, "I'm sick of getting double-billed".

Sent in by Miguel de Mol

 
 

 

Q: Why are ducks barred from England? "

A: It reminds them of all their batsmen getting out for duck!

Sent in by Brendan Smith

 

 

A man and a duck are walking down the street together. Suddenly the man notices a low flying airplane coming right for them. So the man yells "DUCK!" and the duck yells back at the man with an angry face "MAN!"

Sent in by Martin Scott

 

 

Q: Why do chicken coops only have 2 doors?

A: Because if they had 4 it would be a chicken sedan!

Sent in by: Gert Jan Wood Tree 

 

 

Q: What do you call an egg that goes on safari?
A: Eggsplorer

Sent in by: Willy Wang 

 
 

 

Q: Why do not chickens like people?
A: Because we beat eggs

Sent in by James Clarke 

 
 

 

Q: What did the Spanish farmer say to his hens egg?
A: Ole

Sent in by: Elsie Kokeran 

 
 
 
Q: On which side does a chicken have the most feathers?
A: On the outside.
 

Sent in by: Gercees Wagenelemse

 

 

Q: Who is the poultry King of Rock 'n Roll ...
A: Berry duck

Sent in by: Mangelan lacet (Canada)

 

 

 

Q: How do you turn a chicken into a soul singer?
A: Roll it on the grass until it's Al Green!

Sent in by: Nervin Becettek (Slovenia)

 

 

Q: Where do tough chickens come from?
A: From hard-boiled eggs!

Sent in by: Monique Baliggburgh (Scotland)

 
 
 
Q: Which day of the week do chickens hate most?
A: Fry-day!

Sent in by: Suniel Bieracharan (India)

 

 

Q: Which day of the week do chickens hate most?
A: Fry-day!

Sent in by: Suniel Bieracharan (India)

 

 

The teacher asks Little John: "If I lay two eggs on the table and you lay 3 eggs next to them, how many eggs do we have together?" Little John replies: "But miss, I can not lay eggs at all."

Sent in by: Vincent Narna (UK)

 

 

A grid is entering the house pushing them forward a giant ostrich egg.

"Good morning ladies," he says. "I do not want to nag you, but I just want to show you what others can achieve."

Sent in by: Noll and Vink (Belgium)

 

 

It seems there was a man who came from the city wanting to start a chicken farm of his very own. He was sent to a local hatchery to purchase some chicks to start the enterprise. He went in and purchased 500 chicks to start the farm up fine White Rocks. The next week he came back to the hatcheries and purchased 500 chicks top quality Rhode Island Reds. The following week it was 500 Cornish chicks and so on and so on for many weeks. Finally, the hatchery man could not stand it any longer and said, "Wow you must be starting a huge poultry farm with all of these chicks!" "Not really so big," said the city slicker, "I'm just having a little trouble with this first crop. I can not tell if I'm planting them too deep or too close together."

 Sent in by: Dayna Williams (Australia)

 

 

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused, then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said:" Wow! A talking chicken! ""
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

Sent in by: Sunita (UK)

 

 

A teacher was teaching in a school and always told the students not to use foul language and asked students to give her an example of a foul language.

One of the students stood up and raise his voice and said ko ko ro koooo ....

Sent in by: Folusi Akanji (Nigeria) 

 

 

If fruit comes from a fruit tree, then what kind of tree does a chicken come from?
A Poul-Tree.

Sent in by: James Nemika (U.S.) 

 

 

Two chickens were walking down the road, one spotted a coffee shop on the other side to the other and said, "do you fancy crossing the road for a cup of coffee?" The other replied, "best not, we'd never hear the end of it!"

Sent in by: Joane Rosedale (U.S.)

 
 
 
 
Q: What do you get when you cross a Chicken and a Pit Bull?
A: Just the Pit Bull.
 
Sent in by: Andrew Dros
 
 

 

Why did they let the turkey join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks ..

Sent in by: Megan Brigels

 

 

This farmer has about 500 hens, but no timetable, and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a roster that he would be willing to sell to him.

"Yep, I've got this great calendar, named Kenny. He'll service every chicken you got, no problem."

Well, Kenny the grill costs $ 3,000, a lot of money, but the farmer decides it is worth it. So, he buys Kenny and takes him home, sets him down in the barnyard, but first he gave the grid a pep talk.

"I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money.

Consequently, I'll need you to do a good job! So, take your time and have some fun, "the farmer said, with a chuckle!
Kenny seemed to understand, so the farmer points them toward the house and Kenny takes off like a shot. WHAM! Kenny nails every them them in the house. The farmer is really shocked.

A short while later, the farmer Hears a commotion in the duck pen and, sure enough, Kenny is in there. Later, the farmer sees Kenny after a flock of geese down by the lake. By sunset he sees Kenny out in the fields chasing quail and PHEASANTS.

The farmer becomes Increasingly worried that his expensive roster will not even last 24 hours. Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next morning to find Kenny on his back out in the middle of the yard, mouth open, tongue hanging out and both feet sticking straight up in the air. Buzzards are Circling overhead.

The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful and expensive animal, shakes his head and says: "Oh, Kenny, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself. "

Kenny opens one eye, Nods toward the Buzzards Circling in the sky and says, "Shhhh ... they're getting closer!"
 
Sent in by: S. Corcirle (Spain)

 

 

Two eggs boiling in a saucepan one said to the other its hot in here is not it, do not worry about that came the reply, we are going to get our heads bashed in when we get out of here!

Sent in by: Sharon Richards (UK)

 

 

Two chickens were standing in a barn.
The one chicken, looking rather concerned, turned to the other chicken and said, "I'm really worried about this bird flu."
The other chicken turned and said "Oh My ... a talking CHICKEN!"

Sent in by: Giselle (Sweden)

 

 

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise". The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.
Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the member of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two Beady little eyes looking around before the member slams back down.
"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband.
He has not, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the member rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.
Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening and demands an explanation.
"Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order?" The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."
"Ah ... so sorry," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck"

Sent in by: Emmy at the Cool Beek (The Netherlands)

 

 

 

A man walks into a bar with an ostrich behind him. As he sits down the bartender comes over, and asks for their order. "I'll have a beer," says the man. "I'll have a beer too," says the ostrich. Pours the beer and the bartender says "That will be $ 3.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again, and the man says, "I'll have a beer." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change.

This becomes a routine until, late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the bartender. "Well, it's late, so I'll have a large scotch," says the man. "Same for me," says the ostrich.

"That will be $ 7.20" says the bartender. Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar. The bartender can not hold back his curiosity any longer.

"Excuse me sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"
 

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money will always be there. "

That's brilliant! "Says the bartender." You'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live! "The bartender asks" One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich? "

The man replies "My second wish was for a chick with long legs."

Sent in by: Jimmy Osmbourne (USA)

 

 

Q: Why DID the chicken cross the road?

Answer:

Bill Gates:
I have just released eChicken2006, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of e-Chicken.

Grandpa:
In my day we did not ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
 

Sent in by: Nabila Asingshoe (SA)

 
 
 
A man driving fast along a quiet country lane drove (by accident) on a cockerel standing in the middle of the road. Beset with guilt, he looks about and sees a farmhouse not too far away. He drives to the house, and upon knocking on the door is by the woman of the house. He says, "I'm terribly sorry but I think I drove over and killed one of your cockerel that happened to be on the road not too far from here. If possible I'd like to replace it." The lady replies, "Suit yourself, the rest of the hens are at the back of the house."

Sent in by: Jimmy Horn (NSW)

 

 

A man was looking after a parrot for his brother. For several days he was bombarded loudly at all hours by its swearing and noisy intrusions. His warnings were ignored to behave. Eventually, in frustration, he opened its cage, grabbed it, and threw it into his freezer. After five minutes he relented and replaced it on its perch. It was suddenly quiet and humble, respectful and looking at him with tearful eyes.

In a trembling voice it asked him, "what did that chicken do?"

Sent in by: Gary Raethorn, (Wales)

 

 

Two chickens are chewing the fat in the farm yard. One says to the other, "Are you worried about this bird flu epidemic?"

"No," replies the other, "Why should I?" M A cow. "

Sent in by: Donna Kenningway (England)

 

 

Mick, from Dublin, appeared on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 pounds!
"You've done very well so far," said, Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter, "but for a million pounds you've only got one lifeline left - phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question ..... . you will go for it? "
"Sure," said Mick. "I'll have a go!"
"Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest?"
A: Sparrow
B: Thrush
C: Magpie
D: Cuckoo
I have not got a clue, "said Mick," so I'll use me last lifeline and phone me friend Paddy back home in Dublin ".
Mick called up his mate, and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him.
"Mick!" cried Paddy. "That's simple ...... it's a cuckoo."
"Are you sure?"
"Yep, I'm sure."
Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, "I'll go wit Cuckoo as me answer."
"Is that your final answer?" asked Chris "This is it, sir."
There was a long, long pause, then the presenter screamed, "Cuckoo is the correct answer! Mick, you've won 1 million pounds!"
The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink.
"Tell me, Paddy? How in the world did you know it was da Cuckoo that does not build it's own nest? I mean you know bugger-all about birds."
"For goodness sake!" Paddy laughed. "Everybody knows a cuckoo lives in a clock ...!!"

 

Sent in by: Michael Roberts, Dublin (New Zealand)

 

 

A Lion, A Gorilla and a chicken were discussing fear.
The gorilla said 'When I beat my chest all animals are afraid "
The Lion boasted 'When I roar, animals and humans for miles around are very very scared "
"That's nothing" said the chicken.
"All I have to do is sneeze and the whole world is terrified '

Sent in by: Rob McIntyre (New Zealand)

 

 

After the egg hunt on Easter Sunday, the young farm boy decided to play a prank. He went to the chicken coop and replaced every single egg with a brightly colored one. A few minutes later walked into the grid, saw all the color eggs, then stormed outside and beat up the peacock!

Sent in by: Sheldon Millar (Namibia)

 
 
 
A blonde chicken was standing at the side of a river, no bridge to be seen in either direction. Another chicken on the opposite side shouts across, "How do you get to the other side" Blonde chicken looks up and down a bit bemused, then shouts back, "I am on the other side"

Sent in by: Teresa Robert Stone (England)

 

 

Q: Why was the chicken afraid of the chicken?
 

A: Because he was a chicken..

Sent in by: Patricia (New Zealand)

 

 

Q: Why should a school not be near a chicken farm?
 

A: So the pupils do not hear about fowl language.

Sent in by: Jake Grogan (Australia)

 

 

Q: Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Answer:

Because if he took the other leg off the ground he would fall on the ground.

Sent in by: Thomas O'Connell (Ireland)

 

 

Q: What side of the turkey is the left side?

Answer:

The part that was not eaten .... 

Sent in by: Lisa James (UK)

 

 

Q: Why DID the chicken cross the road?


Answer:

Dr. Phil:
The problem we have here is that this chicken will not realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

Oprah:
Well I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the Chickens.

Hillary Clinton:
We do not really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

Sent in by: Stacey Richards (USA)

 

 

Q: Why do seagulls live near the sea?


A: Because if they lived near the bay, they would be called bagels.

Sent in by: Judy Adams (England)

 

 

A duck walks into a pub and asks the bartender "Has my brother been in here?"

The barman replies: "What does he look like?"


Sent in by: Margaret Hatchin (Scotland)

 

 

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can not figure out how to get started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The girl says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a grid."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says: "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be Able to assemble these pieces into anything a bunch of bling grill. "

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh ... ... ... ... ...

 

 

.

.

"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."


 

 

Sent in by: Jenny Carley (England)

 

 

 

There was a man driving down the highway going about 55 miles per hour when this chicken with three legs began running beside him. He decided to speed up to 65 miles per hour, but the chicken stayed right beside him. So he sped up to 75 miles per hour, but still the chicken stayed with him.

He came up to a fork in the road and the three-legged chicken went left and ran into a farm yard. Curious, the man decided to investigate so he pulled up to the farm and got out of his car.

He noticed that the yard was full of three-legged chickens running around at high speeds. Still curious, the man went up and knocked on the door of the house and the farmer came out.

"How did you get all these three-legged chickens?" the man asked the farmer.

"Well," the farmer said, "I have a family of three, and we all like the drumsticks, so I decided to engineer some chickens with three legs so everyone is happy."

"How do they taste?" the man asked.

"Well," the farmer said, "do not know, have not been Able to catch one yet."

Sent in by: Stef Marlon (NSW)
 
 

 

Two Statisticians went duck hunting. A mallard flew overhead and fired one Statistician just to the right of the bird. The other Statistician fired just to the left of the bird. They turned to each other in glee, and congratulated each other ... "On average, he's dead!" they cried! The mallard continued his migration.

Sent in by: Zoe of Wood (South Africa)

 

 

A magician was performing on a cruise ship and each night while performing, his pet parrot kept saying "its up his sleeve", "its in his pocket," its in his shoe "," in his pants "etc to the point where The magician was loosing his patience.

One night while performing the ships boilers blew and the ship sank, the lucky magician was Able to grab onto one of the ship's tables and float on the sea for a few days. The parrot in the meantime seemed nonplussed and was looking quizzically at the magician for a few days whilst drifting.

On the 4th day the parrots looks at his master and says "I give up ... what did you do with the ship?"

 

Sent in by: Luke Johnson (California, USA)

 

 

Q. What is a bird after it is five days old?

A. Six days old

 
Sent in by: Philip Williamson (Cork, Ireland)
 
 
 
Two chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, 'Buk Buk BUK. "The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them ... and the chickens leave shortly thereafter.
 
Around midday, the two chickens return saying, 'Buk Buk BuKKOOK! "The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives it to them. The chickens leave as before.
 
The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the librarian, looking very annoyed and say, 'Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook! "The librarian is now a little suspicious, so she gives them what they request and decides to follow them.
 
She followed them out of the library, out of the town, and to a park. She hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen, and saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pound, to which the frog was saying, "Rrredit Rrredit Rrredit ..."
 
 
Sent in by: Nabila Hadmen (Aberdeen, Scotland)
 
 
 
 
Q. Why DID the chicken cross the road?
 
Answer:
Al Gore:
I invented the chicken!
 
Albert Einstein:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chickn?
 
John Lennon:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together - in peace.
 
Sent in by: Wayne Daggett (Ohio, USA)
 
 
 
 
Q. Why DID the chicken cross the road?
 
Answer:
Dr. Phil:
The problem we have here is that this chicken will not realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.
 
 
Oprah:
Well I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the Chickens.
 
 
Sent in by: Wayne Daggett (Ohio, USA)
 
 

 

Q. Why did the turkey cross the road?

A. To prove he was not a chicken.

Sent in by: Wayne Daggett (Ohio, USA)

 

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